Sunday, May 29, 2022

Rhinestoning is my life now!

So, my life is no longer my own. I am merely a facilitator for bits of cut glass. I covet them, must have them, must stick them onto costumes, must contain them in gorgeous containers.

The Vista containers are a two-day-ago innovation, the perfect size for the 1440 count of most rhinestone orders. SO many colours, SO SPARKLY!!! Also, I might add, SO much less likely to bust open than bags...

Rhinestones give me wings!!!! These grey wings needed gold input big time. The reason is further on. So, four of them are now covered in gold and Light of Heaven rhinestones. LoH btw is a gold coloured stone with a flash of mauve in it. SO GORGEOUS. It is currently my favourite and will be stuck onto everything.

 

Look, this is a sunshine shot and it looks metallic but it isn't. But OMG!!!! The bolero this is going on is going with a dress in the same sequin fabric. No spoilers but it is NEXT LEVEL gorgeous.

It's really exciting to be making a whole new costume -not pimping a RTW garment. I have a photoshoot for a new product that is being named after me, WAAAH!!! It was my idea but the genius that made it happen from my shitty sketches is going to launch it and I am SO EXCITED.

So, new costume for product photoshoot!



Tuesday, March 8, 2022

Gigs keep on slippin', slippin' slippin' into the future...

Here's me in Tucson Arizona! That was then!

 The Steve Miller Band song, "Fly like an Eagle" is on my mind right now.

Life keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future
Gigs keep on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future
I wanna fly like an eagle
To the sea
Fly like an eagle, let my spirit carry me
I want to fly like an eagle
'Til I'm free
Right through the omicron

OK so maybe not my best work? But that's life right now. Because New Zealand kept the virus at bay for so long, until our population was well vaxed and boosted, we are late to the omicron party, and it is sweeping the country.

But soon it will peak and start to wane.

In the meantime, every gig I was booked for since the end of January has been postponed. Some for the third and even fourth time.

But you know what? I'm so lucky. Lucky and blessed to be well, to be alive, to have an income and a home. So many have had it a lot harder. 

I hope you and yours are faring well too <3

Sunday, August 1, 2021

Step-Pose-Ium 2021

 

Labour Weekend 2021 brings Step-Pose-Ium, NZ's burlesque symposium.

This is its unlikely online home (free!) 

For more information, click here

For a list of the workshops on offer, click here

To register, click here

Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Leo, Clever and Constance (that's ME) in The Menagerie

 Alright, stop me if you've heard this one: What's huge, terrifying, and hangs out in an alley?

Us!!! Photo of Clever Hansel pointing to a poster of us on the day of The Menagerie. I thought I had posted about it already, but as I didn't here we go!

 

The original photo by Aden Meser Photography. Colourful!!! Somehow in every photo from this photoshoot, my legs were hidden and it became quite a running joke. 

 And here's proof it actually happened!!!!! The stage is huge -the venue has 1500 seats and 1100 of them had bums on.


Saturday, March 14, 2020

We ran away to join the Clothesline Circus!!!

Friday 13th March saw Clever Hansel and me heading up to Palmerston North, to be in the fabulous butterfly show, Lola and Friends - Clothesline Circus. A butterfly show exists only for one night, it is partly improvised, partly rehearsed and even if we did it a second night it would be different butterfly.
We thought our show was to be in the smaller Globe Theatre but it was in the big, 200 seater one with a large stage and all the cool things of a properly spec'ed theatre. Look at the amazing set! I love how different it looks in different lights.
Well, who was the star of this ensemble piece? Me? Hans? Lola? Nope. It was Chase, the Circus Dog. A rescue Pomeranian of extremely even temperament (a polite way of saying he simply can't be arsed doing anything but sit)

Blue wash for mystery and magic

With the working lights on, it's still gorgeous! That's our amazing producer on stage talking to someone...Doug? Can't tell.

Chase!!! He is the cutest fluff ball and was amazing. He did NOTHING, which means Lola had to fake all his stunts and it was hilarious!
Dressing room selfie - I never got one with Hans - trouble with running around in your undies is there's nowhere to put a phone so I only took a couple.

I took this one to show Jack my eye makeup, which is the living embodiment (in my mind anyway) of the line from "Ne me quitte pas", which I translate as: "When evening falls, does not the dark make perfect love to the sunset's spark?"

It was a beautiful, delightful, magical show and a huge tribute to our darling friend Lola Illusion.
I am really busy, I've had four shows this month already and one big one to go. The year is filling up, but who knows what will happen with this awful virus though. International travel is required later in the year but we can't book yet so we'll have to see what happens. I wish the world all the best with love xo.

Saturday, November 30, 2019

The Arizona Burlesque Festival

 The AZBF was amazing!!
Tucson is amazing in itself. Hot, dry, sunny, gorgeous vistas of desert and those giant cacti, friendly people - and I have good friends there I stayed with in luxury, with a pool!
I spent a fair bit of my time there hunting down pink feather boas to repair this gown, which after so many wears looked like it had some kind of bird mange.
My darling Stevie patiently drove me all over town until we found what I needed at Jo-Ann, and SAS Fabrics. The latter was amazing. If I didn't already have enough sequin fabric to last me three lifetimes, and a full suitcase, I'd have dropped some serious currency there.
Anyway it was worth it. As you can see I'm all pink and fluffed up! I performed Perhaps on Saturday night, which meant I could watch the rest of the show. Great show.
Someone called me Ursula that night. i was a bit miffed but after seeing this photo, I think it's a fair call.

Talk to the Hand!!!

What was happening? Maybe the microphone was giving me an electric shock, not sure. LOVE the lighting and the haze.
Thanks so much to Matt Finish and his team for putting on such a great festival. And to Tiffany at 48th and Pixel for the great photos!

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Run up to December

After the Tease on Tour show in Queenstown last night, we experienced an unprecedented amount of audience curiosity and fandom! Over several hours around a fire pit, I got asked a lot of questions and got given a LOT of amazing compliments, which was lovely. It was an amazing way to round out a fantastic night and it got me thinking about what I will have achieved by the end of this year.
This includes:
  • performing and hosting about 40 times in seven New Zealand locations! - Queenstown, Dunedin, Christchurch, Hamilton, Te Mata, Tauranga and Wellington;
  • four countries: New Zealand, Canada, US and Australia (next week!);
  • hosting 20 events from shows to a conference dinner, a carol service, some private corporate events;
  • hosting in venues from an intimate 45 to a sold out 400 seat theatre, 400 dinner delegates, and everything in between;
  • winning the Golden Garter Award 2019 for Favourite Emcee for the second time of three consecutive nominations;
  • increasing my musicianship considerably from three guitar chords to 11 in a whole new type of performing for me;
  • being invited to perform in the Menagerie in 2020 with my precious partners in crime, Leo and Clever.
One of the things I am proudest of is that Debbie and my DIY Burleskiwi show has jumped the ditch to Australia! To be known there as DIY Burleskoala, the inaugural show is on Thursday 5 December. Debbie and I are going to judge and host respectively. Jack is going to kitten, Artem his lovely boyfriend is going to be generally useful and amazing. A family busman's holiday! This year's DIY Burleskiwi winner Amourous Ava is also coming over.
Random encounter in a bar in Queenstown at 1am with Jason, it turns out we know lots of the same people! "Only in NZ"
 One of the cutest things that has come out of the stats is this. In 1983 I went on a tour of NZ with a show we would now call burlesque. I had made the costumes and was operating the spotlight. The show went to Queenstown and Dunedin among other cities and having hosted Tease on Tour in those towns I realised it was the first time since that tour I'd been to either of them! And two of the cast of that show now live in Sydney and I get to hang out with them next week when I am there.
How's that for a full circle.

Friday, April 12, 2019

Festive Fun to come!

Very soon! May 9-12, I shall be in Auckland attending, performing at, teaching at, socialising at, squealing at, the New Zealand Burlesque Festival.

When the framed publicity photos are released, THEN we get excited! It's really happening!
And I get to share a chunk of stage time with my favourite Grumpy young Man, Clever Hansel. We are building up our set, turning solos into duets and generally having as much fun as two freaks, a ukulele and a guitar can have on a week night (that's a surprising amount!)
If you'd like to come and see us as well as all the other amazing humans performing, the show I/we are performing in is on Friday 10 May click here for more information.

 


Saturday, April 6, 2019

2 out of 3 ain't bad!!

This will take pride of place on my Wall of Bling
On 23rd March at the Phoenix in Auckland, I had the awesome job of co-hosting the NZ Burlesque Industry Awards (also known as The Golden Garters).
It was an amazing night! Performances by Pixie Twist, Lilith LaLune, Anglebert Humpermink and the Roaring Antoinettes. Co-Host Mae de la Rue from Sydney and I did a fun duet version of Razzle Dazzle 'Em.
It was so much fun collaborating with Mae - we had dinner together during the previous week and planned shenanigans! Photos will be forthcoming soon we hope!
The fabulous Mae de la Rue from Sydney won Honorary Kiwi!
 And I am very, very honoured to receive the award for Favourite MC 2019. It will join the 2017 award for the same on my Red Wall of Bling. And the 2018 award Clever Hansel and I received for Favourite Non-Striptease Routine. I was nominated for favourite MC that year too, so two out of three ain't bad!

The 2019 award for Favourite Non-Striptease act went to my darling friend Mr Lola Illusion for his delicious Lola in Love.
The whole schedule of winners is here on the NZ Burly Awards website.

Friday, March 29, 2019

Hosting a BIG Dinner!

On Thursday 21 March, Leo and I got to Emcee at the ILGA World Conference dinner. When we walked into the venue and saw how big it was, we had a giggle! 450 delegates, 40 tables of gorgeous humans from all around the world! It was so much fun to get up on stage and look out at them.
Leo and I hosting the ILGA World Conference Dinner

 Me before the show in the shade hence the blue tinge. Prize for best use of a $2 lawn ornament? ;-)
$2 lawn ornament head piece!!!
 This is me with Ross Weistroffer! Who is Ross Weistroffer I hear you ask? (Unless you know him and Googled his name and this came up in which case HI!!!) He is a Research Analyst from UCLA who hunted me down at dinner time to sit and chat because he loves drag queens. What a poppet! I adore gorgeous Gay American men so we're a match! Ross took the photo of Leo and me on stage, bless him.
Ross Weistroffer and me
We had an amazing night with incredible food, dancing, speeches, food, dancing.
Dessert Unicorn!!!
What a great organisation it is. So much love and acceptance in the room. <3

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

A weekend away and a wedding

Hi there! Life has ratchetted up somewhat over the past few months and that makes it hard to find time to write. Plus most of the busy is very, very dull.
Relaxing at a friend's wedding recently
A few weekends ago a bunch of us headed up to Auckland for a wedding. It was lovely to hang out and not have to do much - usually we are madly producing shows. Clipboards were swapped for glasses of bubbles for the day. SO nice.
I bought this little off the shoulder number to wear as most of my clothes are too sparkly for even a formal wedding. It wasn't really my kind of dress but its softness and the serendipity of the flower placement on the bodice pleased me.
The Caburlesque Family - son Jack, me, Pinot Sister Debbie and everybody's Daddy, Soundbitch!
What a glamorous lot we were! I do feel that we are one Timmy The Dog away from being The Famous Five here however. Or perhaps the Narnia children. I wouldn't put it past Jack to dob us all in - not for Turkish Delight but possibly jersey caramels!

A lovely day was had by all - a couple who are meant to be together got to be together and it's always an honour to witness that.

Monday, December 31, 2018

Savage Times in Whanganui


On December 8th, Leo, Clever and I performed the moving feast that is "At Home" in Whanganui. It is a charming town about three hours from Wellington with the joy of a river running through it (I do love a river town) and some humdinger vintage architecture to boot.
As is our way, we had an idea about losing the Family Money in a series of unfortunate investments, mostly a Taxidermy Theme Park. With Vollercoaster, Furry Go round and Furris Wheel.
and thusly between our Napier debut and this show, I got to work on an appropriate gown. Leopard print trimmed in fake fur, with this fetching hair piece. Matched at the back by the butt end of the wee stuffed toy sacrificed for Art. I love it so much I am going to try to find smaller ones to make sets for people with less hair real estate then I have.
We had a mad evening where it became clear early on that the audience wanted to hear songs not banter, and preferably not too risque. So at half time a whole section of songs got cut in favour of a couple of fun but safer options. This is what I love about live entertainment!

Them as loved it LOVED it. Them as didn't appreciate the nuances of digging up one's dead bride or political commentary about the patriarchy, left. Yes, it was like that!
But we had a great time as we always do, nailed a new number which is a mash up of three angsty songs from three decades, and we were upstaged by a possum. Refer the video at the end.
Happy Days!

Tasteless Fake taxidermy is my theme!

The Savage Club - weirdest place ever! It's like the Maori equivalent of a Tiki bar. Terrible but it has historical significance. And Possums.

Aren't we dapper!


Yup, possums. That's what everyone is looking at!

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Royal Vauxhall and the Glasgow Festival of Burlesque!

Well I've been and done it and I'm back home! What a whirlwind it all was.
On 6 November I made my Royal Vauxhall Tavern debut in Bar Wotever. This is a weekly cabaret show featuring new and experienced performers alike, and what a thrill to meet some of London Cabaret's stalwart stars! I was made so welcome and lots of people wanted to know if I was going to be around for longer. It was so hard to leave them wanting more as I was on the train to Glasgow the next day.
Pinch me! Photography by Lea L'Attentive
SO many feathers! Photography by Lea L'Attentive
Such a darling back scratcher! Photo by Lea L'Attentive
Still my beating heart - Mercury and Maxim performed a preview from their new musical!
Thursday night show at The Glasgow Festival of Burlesque.
What an amazing time. Catching up with dear friends, meeting new ones, and I am very, VERY proud of Botanica and Fanciforia Foxglove who also performed in Glasgow and did NZ proud.
Team Kiwi!!! 


Here's a video of my show at the RVT


Thursday, October 18, 2018

Four more sleeps before the UK!

I am pinching myself - only four sleeps to go. A week ago the planning board was crammed with jobs to do, and now most have a black line through them. Very satisfying.
Packing is fun. I need day time clothes as well as costumes and all of the paraphernalia that goes into making hair and face look the part. But things are looking good for a two suitcase only situation, which will allow me at the other end to only need to take one anywhere with me at a time.
It's a plan anyway.
This cross stitch pattern on Etsy is designed by a Wellington based student teacher - I love his work!
So deep am I in the details, I have really only just started to realise what is happening - when people say, see you next week and they are in Brighton!
Now for a day of trying to get my mobile phone to be set up with Roaming, which is far more complicated than anyone will admit!

Saturday, September 1, 2018

Like a Rhinestone Cowgirl - how to rhinestone.

This is the costume I've been working on forever. Today I started the back of the skirt.
I refer to rhinestoning as just "stoning", and given the need to heat things in spoons on elements and little plastic baggies, frankly the whole set up is a bit Stoner!

This is how I do it. It works really, really well, does not involve toxic glues and doesn't take very long. I took photos as I went, hopefully these will illuminate the process!
You need:
My menu of rhinestones - AB Rosaline and AB Rose, AB Peridot, Peridot and Emerald. These wee baggies are worth nearly as much as I imagine they would be if they contained an illicit substance ;-) These are from www.rhinestonz.co.nz
  • Something to Rhinestone (my robe as shown above)
  • Flatback rhinestones - I use Arabesques because I am a cheapskate - they are fifth of the price of Swarovskis and not quite as good, but on this costume it's all about the quantity. 
  • Beeswax
  • A wooden skewer
  • A teaspoon with a heatproof handle
  • Aleene's Tacky Glue - it is by far the best glue as it holds its shape really well and dries fast. For stretch fabrics or things you will need to wash, use Aleene's Flexible and Stretchable, which isn't quite as thick but holds a blob well.
  • Silicone baking paper - pretty much essential for thin fabrics or areas like sleeves where you have to have one layer of a costume over the other.
  • PATIENCE
 To make an applicator stick, first cut a sliver off a block of beeswax. Pop this into the bowl of the teaspoon and put on an element to soften/melt.
 You only need a little bit of beeswax for this - you can use the rest for sniffing!
 When it is soft enough to mash up with the end of the skewer, gather up some and form a  knob of it on the skewer end. Let it get a bit firmer before using.
 I am starting with the dark green stones. I tip enough to do the job onto a lid, so I can move them around easily while working.
 While my beeswax is cooling, I turned all of the stones up this way.
I spread the gown on the kitchen bench return, over a layer of the baking paper.
 Now squeeze out wee blobs of the glue where you want the stones to go. With these deep green stones, I am working on the darkest branches of foliage in the pattern.
See how many blobs I can do in advance! You can do more than this too. The glue stays wet for plenty of time, though I wouldn't wander off halfway through to take a long phone call. I use the wax stick to gently catch the top of a rhinestone and transfer it to a blob of glue. Gently press it in.
  This is the whole branch completed. See all that white glue showing? It's a good thing! It dries clear but the ring of glue means the stone is held well in place.
This shows the second round of stoning - once I completed the first branch (top of pic) I then glued up two more.
Here's the finished area after I've gone over it again with the other colours of stones. Because this is the back, I've been pretty light-handed - the fronts have about three times as many stones. But I have found the hard way that backs of costumes get a hard time with sitting etc, so this is just about it not being obviously not done!

Top tips:
  • Your beeswax applicator may get less effective if it is cold.  I use my fingers to soften it back up again. Remember you need only the lightest pressure to lift the stone and transfer. It should release really easily as a result.
  •  Aleene's dries enough to peel the fabric off the paper in about an hour. Gently peel it off - it will be stuck but it will still lift. It is not dry enough to wear until at least the next day but preferably a good week of curing is best. But with a huge job like this never-ending robe, I need to shift the completed stuff so I can do the next section
  • Of course you can follow a pattern - I do this too but it is far easier to follow the pattern of a piece of lace, a print or a brocade design. Same principles apply.
  • If you can't find non-hot fix in your colour, get the hot fix ones and stick them on this way. It's no biggie.
  • ALWAYS stretch out garments that are worn stretched, before you do them. 
  • ALWAYS use a thick, tacky glue like Aleene's - if you are working on a foam cup bra or some other surface that is not flat, it won't dribble down the slope like GemTac or Tiger Grip. Not all PVA based glues are the same!
Good luck and let me know how it goes!





Sunday, August 19, 2018

I'm off to Glasgow!

So exciting! 8-11 November I'll be in Scotland for the Glasgow Festival of Burlesque. I feel that the Glaswegians and Kiwis have a lot in common and if we can just understand each other it is going to be AMAZING.
Since I'll be over there anyway, I'm doing a few gigs in London too. As well as relaxing, visiting friends and family over there, sight seeing etc.

Fund raising is occurring too: more news to come!
Me saving money on costumes to save for my trip - A garden ornament as a head piece. CLASS!
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